guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
