I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
