It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
