why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
