I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
