I wannas sexs uuuuu
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
