Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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