you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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