we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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