I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
