Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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