I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
