she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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