Got a toothbrush?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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