I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
