we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
