The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
