When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
