Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
