So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
