I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
