I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
