Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All the doctor said was why
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
