When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
