Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
