why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
