Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
