Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
