See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
