he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
