I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
