i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize