I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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