I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
