I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
