the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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