Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
