Already got asked if we're dating
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
