did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
