omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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