his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
