We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
