well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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