so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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