Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
