Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
