it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize