i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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