Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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