I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
