i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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