we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
