the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
