Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
