fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
