I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
