Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
