ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
