I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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