I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
