he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize