mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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