you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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