There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
