i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
