I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
