My room smells like vodka and shame
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
