I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
