ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
