I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
