id be glad to
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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