So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize