She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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