she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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