as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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