We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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