I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
