Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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