The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
