Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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