I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
