My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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