The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He is an equal opportunity slut.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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