She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
