The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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