Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize