Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My liver just broke up with me...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
