Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
