Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
