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I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
