I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize