sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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