I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
