so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
