it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
