The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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