I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
